9/25/25 - Happy Thursday, the weather in my area was actually enjoyable for once, i've got an annoying headache, but hey, i'm about to eat some bomb ass food and I managed to make new friends so ain't no complaining. Here's a song of the day and a movie recommendation.
10/06/25 - I don't really know anymore. Lately I've been feeling so angry, so mean, frustrated, irritated as fuck. I'm mad at the world, at other people, at myself, at the way I grew up. All this stupid whining that gets me nowhere at the end of the day, and it really shouldn't be that serious. But there's another part of me that just wants to cry, I can't-more specifically, I wont't cry in front of others because then I'll have to explain why (then again I don't really know why I feel this way to begin with). Lately I've been distracting myself with school, doomscrolling, and other bullshit that for the first time in awhile I realized that I don't really have anyone to talk to openly. That's a me problem for sure, I don't want to inconvenience anyone or maybe I already know how that stituation plays out: nothing effective comes out of it. What's the point in trying to make people understand? Everyone's in their own world, with their own shit. I don't know why I wrote this really, I guess I just needed to let something out before something bigger and uglier does. Ich bin der welt abhanden gekommen.
10/27/25 - ?
10/28/25 - oh. it was a cache problem... that's why i couldn't see updates omfg i'm dumb.
not much to update, except i'm trying to get my shit together as an 18 yr old (nobody has their shit together at all ever) but i'm trying, and i think that counts for something. i've been swamped with assignments and lectures and college sometimes it feels like i don't have enough time to do the things i want to do, like if you were to ask me what i do i'd tell you, "school, eat, shit, and sleep" like am i even human at this point? I guess the higher education has to be worth something in the long run (i hope). but i guess it's the little things that keep me going sometimes, like discovering new music: 1, 2, 3. or like... getting to talk to interesting characters in certain classes. there's this girl in my English class, she has neon green hair, i like her, i like listening to her talk (i wouldn't have much to say about myself either way). or sometimes staring at my history professor helps, he talks in a memorable way, like i can almost envision his lectures as a movie in my head. i think that's it. bye.
11/03/25 - it pains me that i'm broke and chopped and still have to do life stuff broke and chopped smh...
11/04/25 - an old passion for writing fanfiction has reignited, i guess right now would be a good time to look in my old drafts...heh, ao3 here i come.
11/11/25 - i am finally licensed after two failed behind the wheel attempts, i guess third time's really the charm... but anyways i feel so fucking majestic rn these study playlists are really coming in clutch. so for future reference (or if you random internet stranger might find them useful) i'll just leave that here & here! yes, i really do be listening to everything and anything because everything is so peak. funny random irrelevant story, i was always hesitant to post on Ao3 because of the writers curse (i know, stupid. it's just a funny little pattern of coincidence) but one day (like a week ago) i was like "im already in the thick of it what's this shit got that i haven't already faced?" and so that was the clarity i needed to start doing something fun. and then even funnier was the fact that i passed my test so in a way it was far from a curse, maybe a thing of good luck. but anyways, wanted to point that out because i feel like there's a deeper meaning to it, so... just do it. whatever it is, you're not promised tomorrow are you?
12/02/25 - hi its been a while, i finally finished an agonizing research project for one of my college classes and honestly i'm like 100% happier now. like i know i still have more work to finish but the fact that i finished my biggest project makes me so happy because that shit was too damn long. but just to stay positive i did like my topic and i did learn some new things so that's that. i've taken up crocheting as a hobby, i'm by no means a pro but it's so mesmerizing doing those loop things over and over until i have something. and i've been slowly working on reading a book called "Mama's girl" by Veronica Chambers, i randomly found out about it looking through the shelves of my university library. i like it because there are some parts i relate to heavily and i think this book is like healing my inner child somewhat so...i'll try to finish reading it. i think i like my life right now, even if my body is tired and i have to idea what i want to do with my life. i just go with the flow.
12/03/25 - i remember when i was around eleven or twelve, during that era of my life my mom would constantly tell me to read. during that time my mom wasn't around a lot, or really at all...at least mentally. she was a single mother and she often worked herself to the bone, came home and mentally checked out, too tired to hide the fact that she was tired from her kids. i don't blame her much really but i do remember what it was like as a kid growing up like that. i guess she meant well when she pushed me to read but i vividly remember a day when she handed me a copy of Rupi Kaur's "Milk and Honey" and once again told me the same thing I had heard a million times, "ponte a leer." I was a good kid, obidient, so I took the book from her hands, looking at her. It was weird to see my mom holding a book, I dont't know why, maybe because she herself never read for leisure or at all (did she ever have the time for any of that?), so I never associated that with her (was leisure a privilege?). But nevertheless I began to read the book and a few pages in I had realized that she definetly did not know what the book itself was about at all. I'm not much of a poetry reader nowadays.
12/31/15 - last post of 2025, i recently found out how to put gifs on here yipeee!!!